As if there wasn't enough to deal with...

My mother decides to call J and tell him that she wants grandkids! All the other ladies in her office have them and she'd like some too! Well all I have to say to that is "Then tell your fucking god to straighten things out so that I can!" She so religious, why doesn't she just pray about it if she wants it so damn bad! As you can tell, we are not close. I haven't told her anything about what is going on precisely for this reason. Can you imagine the guilt trip she'd be laying if she DID know that things were delayed for reasons as yet to be determined?! She just wants to be included in the group - but I don't give a damn! J was so cool about it. He told her flat out not to push it because other wise he "pinch it off and pull out everytime" and she'd never get the chance to be a grand parent! LOL! I love my husband! He sticks up for me in the weirdest of ways, but always gets the point across.

Struggle is my name-O

struggle n 1: an energetic attempt to achieve something; "getting through the crowd was a real struggle"; "he fought a battle for recognition" [syn: battle] 2: an open clash between two opposing groups (or individuals); "the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph"--Thomas Paine; "police tried to control the battle between the pro- and anti-abortion mobs" [syn: conflict, battle] 3: strenuous effort; "the struggle to get through the crowd exhausted her" v 1: make a strenuous or labored effort; "She struggled for years to survive without welfare"; "He fought for breath" [syn: fight] 2: to exert strenuous effort against opposition; "he struggled to get free from the rope" 3: climb awkwardly, as if by scrambling [syn: clamber, scramble, shin, shinny, skin, sputter] 4: be engaged in a fight; carry on a fight; "the tribesmen fought each other"; "Siblings are always fighting" [syn: fight] Seems that summarizes this year so far. Practically everything I want to accomplish comes with the price of having to scrape, claw, grunt, and STRUGGLE! Meanwhile, others get what they want just be speaking the words: "I want to have a baby." - 2 weeks later, they're pregnant "I want a new house." - 1 month later they're moving "I'm tired of this job. I'm going to try something else." - They get an interview in 2 days and 3 weeks later they're in a new position that pays $15,000 more annually. I know that "life isn't fair", but Karma could cut J and I a break. Give us what we want without having to fight so fucking hard for it! Some can argue that having to work for it will make us appreciate it more - HOWEVER - we'll appreciate any good fortune that comes our way. I can say that because it's been a long time since we've caught a break. A very long time. I think I reek of desperation. So be it.

Jumping Through Hoops

So AF is here! 7 months to the day and a ruined pair of underclothes! LOL. So, we'll see where things go from here. I'm trying to get psyched up to jump through hoops for my OB. Don't know what she'll want me to do, if anything.

London 7/7

Like 9/11 is scarred into the minds of all Americans, so will 7/7 for all Londoners. http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/londonbombblast/ The above link was mentioned on CNN. I found it amazing that people were able to take photos with their phones even through the chaos. Keep searching for photos! Let it be a reminder! *stepping off my soapbox*

Holy Call Back, Batman!

So I send 2 resumes out (1 last night, 1 this morning) and received call backs from both of them! I could hardly believe it! I have one interview set up tomorrow PM and don't know whether to be nervous or excited. First of all, I haven't received call backs that fast EVER (LOL) not to mention having an interview with one day of the call back! Just thinking about it makes my stomach all sorts of funny! I am excited, however I didn't expect anything this fast. I haven't even put together my "take it or leave it" pitch for my current employer! I know what you're thinking - I haven't even been offered a job yet. I know that and it'll probably be my luck that I'll get lots of first interviews and not make it past that. But jesus, this is quick!

Jerk, Jerk, Jerk the Chain a Little Harder!

I have been trying to get more involved with the IT area where I work, specifically with the web site and even perhaps assisting with the in house PC troubleshooting/help desk. It's a small company, so there aren't as many "rungs on the ladder" to climb, which is why I've been pursuing it. Needless to say, I don't think it's going to happen. It's like they give me enough "hope" that I'll be able to do this but never follow through. Hell, I registered a domain name a year ago (specifically for work) that I haven't been able to use AT ALL! I finally got so fed up that I used my own personal web space to host the Work test site that I put up in March. Guess what, they looked at it once and I've heard nothing since! How many months is that? 4 1/2 months! I've seen snails accomplish more in that amount of time. I'm at the end of my rope. I'll keep doing the Admin work here, but if an opportunity comes up where I can pursue my IT interests, I'm taking it. How long do they expect me to wait with baited breath to be taken seriously? I graduated Magna Cum Laude for christ's sake! If that doesn't show determination and hard work along with a willingness to try new things/experiment - well I don't know....... I'm so disheartened by it all. I like working for this company, I really do! But I can't hold my breath thinking I'm going to get an opportunity that doesn't look like it will ever happen. One can only jerk the chain so many times before I get REALLY pissed! Current Music: I Can't Stand It, Eric Clapton

Changes Galore!

Just adding some links today. Maybe some pics of our cats. Changed the look of my blog to something not so dark. Trying to decide which links to include. There are quite a few that I check out - if I were to list them all, well you'd be scrolling down for a while.

Just Playin' Around

I'm a terrible patient! LOL

I decided to not start taking bcp yesterday, even though at my first RE appt they told me to. I'm currently on hold with another RE to make an appt to get a 2nd opinion. Going through my last appt in my head, there were a few questions that I want answered. Mainly, why didn't they mention anything about HA? I'm gathering all of my research and will be walking in ready this time. I'm not going to be "shoo-ed off" with the gain weight and quit exercising bullshit. So my next appt is in about a month. Not too bad considering that there's only 2 RE's in this city. On a lighter note, my DH and I had a really good weekend. It was probably the most relaxing in a long time. Went swimming, redecorated our home a bit, and then stayed inside since it was insanely hot outside. The pool helped, but only so much.

Waiting

The company I work for is changing the computer system and, as some may know, it's quite hectic. Well, for one department anyway. I'm playing the waiting game at the moment. Just waiting for when the chaos makes it's way to me. Not that I'm looking forward to it, mind you. I'll be training sales reps on how to look up info in an entirely different way, not to mention keep my work caught up while learning the system myself! Oh Joy... I was doing some research online a few days ago and actually felt assured that I wasn't completely alone with some ttc issues. A little backstory: Stopped bcp in January and haven't had my cycle resume the way it's supposed to. Basically, AF hasn't shown in 6 1/2 months! To some that may seem great, but when you're trying to have a baby - well then it just sucks! I've seen my OB about 5 times already this year and she thinks it's hypothalamic amenorrhea (HA for short). OB had me try the progesterone challenge and still nothing happened. I've lost track of how many days it's been, I'm counting months! Had a first appointment with an RE, who didn't really do anything! She told me to gain 20 pounds, quit exercising completely, and go back on bcp. Well, those first two things won't happen! I walked out of that office ticked off that after reading my chart for 5 minutes and talking with me for 10 that she had the nerve to be so damn pushy. I guess she figures that by the time someone comes in to an RE, they're in a rush to have kids, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling any younger, but it was just too much! Too much to think about, too much money being spent on office visits, too much explaining to do to my boss for all of those office visits, too much waiting, just too damn much of everything (and not enough of what I want)! So while I was doing all of this reading, I checked what my weight range was, nutritional sites and read TONS more about HA. I'm 5'6 and 124 - totally within the normal weight range. As for exercise, I do a combination run/fast walk for 3 miles 5x a week. That could be too much, I don't know. Since seeing the RE, and going through the research I've found, I'm cutting my workouts to every other day. We'll see how that goes for now. I start those damn pills on Sunday. Don't know what the point is other than to see if AF does come. I figure that she will since bcp are synthetic hormones and that seems to be the root of the problem anyway. What bothers me is that all of my bloodwork is coming back normal. The *only* thing that stands out (to me and my OB) is that my estrogen is low. It's still within the normal range, but on the low end. Even still, what the hell is going on with my body?! How fitting that I titled today's entry as waiting! I initially thought about how it's been calm in my area at work and I was waiting for the chaos to ensue. Now, though, the title seems to fit about what I'm going through outside of work. Ugh. I am not a patient person. I hate waiting.

CD's have taken over!!!

So we, well more like I, have embarked on a project of creating some space in our home office. We have 3 of these long rubbermaid under bed containers full of cd's in their cases and I got a pickle up my ass to condense them somehow. Anyway, went to Target and bought those cd wallets that holds 200+ cd's and HOLY CRAP if one of them isn't almost fluking full! I only got through one of those containers! Geez, we have a lot of music. It was cool, though, because I'd forgotten how much we have and what a wide range too. What was somewhat like a trip down memory lane (cheezy, I know, but it's true) is when I was going through the cd's I made myself. I have some of the first ones I ever made and it was funny to see what songs are on them, but also how much of a novice I was. There are some disks that only have 12 seconds of a song, not the entire song title, that kind of thing. I can't wait to go through some of those cd's and see what's on them. Mainly because I didn't make print outs of the song lists! The quest continues...

It's only taken a year....so what?

WYSIWYG So I've finally gotten off my rear and started this. Blame it on finishing my BA degree, work upgrading the system, or shear plain laziness. Does it really matter? I think not. At least, not this late at night. Anyway, more will come. Abiento!

Everything in due time

I'm still figuring this out.  Looks to be fun.  Lets hope it works.