Wednesday, August 02, 2006

14 Weeks

I was 14 weeks pregnant the last week of October 2005.
We had a DR appt and got to hear the heartbeat again and took the triple screen test which came out fine. I remember being so nervous about those results. I was faced with potentially having to make a gut renching decision should the results come back with a high risk. I remember that time. It was the first time that I felt "attached" to K. Sure I knew I was pregnant, etc but it all felt surreal even after hearing the heartbeat. Perhaps that's because it had taken so long to actually get pregnant. When I was faced with potential concerns for K's health and development before he really got going, it-I can't even explain the feelings. It made me sad to think that there could be problems, much less how we'd deal with them.

Thankfully, the test came back fine.


Now, K is 14 weeks old and he's battling his 2nd cold. I feel so bad for him because there's not much we can do. We keep suctioning out his nose, elevating the head of his crib - poor guy sounds terrible. I feel so inept because no matter what we've done so far, it's not getting any better. I hate to see my guy sick. I just want to cuddle with him. I want to get a mini tv and rocker and sit in his room and just hang out with him.

There've been times when I've wondered what being a mom is supposed to feel like. I think this is it.

I admit that I didn't have that "hollywood romantic" feeling of immediate joy after his birth and with the challenges that came up shortly thereafter (jer's back going out/more medical bills/going back to work) it made it difficult to just get through the day. Now, though, it's falling into place. I realize that I'm not one to be uber "gushy" with anyone or anything and that's okay. It doesn't mean that I don't care. I see it as special. The way I feel towards J and K means a lot to me and I want to keep it precious and meaningful. I do that by not spilling out every emotion I have for them.

I'm learning, slowly. Although I'm probably blowing the bell curve! LOL