Monday, October 23, 2006

And How Do We Begin Our Day...?

by watching our son fall off the bed and land on his head. Not the side, not the back - ON TOP OF HIS HEAD.

You hear it all of the time, don't turn away for a second. I knew that. That was one of the things I knew from the very moment K came home. I guess I thought I could have 3-4 seconds.

One. Second.
That was all it took.

I had placed him towards the middle of the bed and turned my back for ONE GOD DAMN SECOND to look for a shirt and as I turned around to see where he was, I instead watched him sail off the bed and land on top of his head.

K is okay. Well, as okay as you can expect to be. He cried, I cried. J, well J made me feel like shit by saying "What did you do?" and "Why didn't you wait to look for the shirt?"
Yes, why didn't I wait indeed. I let him know (through sobs) that I didn't know how long he was going to be in the bathroom and gee, it's time for us to leave now and I'm not even close to getting dressed!

One. Second.
That was all it took.

I managed to get K ready for daycare and cried while I scraped the frost from the car windows, cried while waiting for the car to warm up, cried all the way to daycare, managed to pull it together before going inside daycare to tell B what happened, and then cried on the way to work.

I feel like shit. You can tell me it happens, he'll be okay, don't be so hard on myself. But do you really understand...

One. Second.
That was all it took.


DD said...

Yes, I do understand. Really.

When my son was about 18 mos old, we came home from the grocery store and he didn't want to go inside. He wanted to play outside, but I had to bring in the groceries. I told him that he could play in the grass and I went and got the first group of bags from the car and went to place them just inside the door (I was going to put them away after they were all in the house instead of the hot car). I went into the hallway, put down the bags and came right back outside and my son had toddled very quickly down the hill to the end of the block and was just steps from entering the street. I screamed his name and took off running. He thought it was a game so he went faster. My neighbor across the street from where my son was saw what was happening and quickly scooped him up just as I reached him. I cried and cried and freaked the heck out of my son and I never got a chance to thank my neighbor b/c at the time I was so embarrassed to even look at him for letting my son play in the DAMN STREET! and it wasn't long after that they moved away.

So yes, I understand. I choke up everytime I think about "what if".

Dooneybug said...

I'm so sorry hon. I know you feel like shit. I remember cutting Junebug's fingertip clipping his nails when he was about 6 weeks old - I even drew blood. I felt like such a horrible mommy! We were both crying. I just kept thinking to myself if I had just left it alone and not been so insistent on cutting them, it would have never happened. I still feel bad about it but now it just doesn't seem as horrible, especially after finding out practically every other mommy in our baby class has done it too.

Also, if your husband hasn't had a slip-up yet with him, oh it's coming. Then he'll truely understand how you feel! My husband picked on me for the longest time about the finger clipping but one day he accidently stuck Junebug in too hot of bath water and the baby just screamed his head off. Then he got it.