Thursday, July 21, 2005

Struggle is my name-O

n 1: an energetic attempt to achieve something; "getting through the crowd was a real struggle"; "he fought a battle for recognition" [syn:
battle] 2: an open clash between two opposing groups (or individuals); "the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph"--Thomas Paine; "police tried to control the battle between the pro- and anti-abortion mobs" [syn: conflict, battle] 3: strenuous effort; "the struggle to get through the crowd exhausted her" v 1: make a strenuous or labored effort; "She struggled for years to survive without welfare"; "He fought for breath" [syn: fight] 2: to exert strenuous effort against opposition; "he struggled to get free from the rope" 3: climb awkwardly, as if by scrambling [syn: clamber, scramble, shin, shinny, skin, sputter] 4: be engaged in a fight; carry on a fight; "the tribesmen fought each other"; "Siblings are always fighting" [syn: fight]

Seems that summarizes this year so far. Practically everything I want to accomplish comes with the price of having to scrape, claw, grunt, and STRUGGLE! Meanwhile, others get what they want just be speaking the words:
"I want to have a baby." - 2 weeks later, they're pregnant
"I want a new house." - 1 month later they're moving
"I'm tired of this job. I'm going to try something else." - They get an interview in 2 days and 3 weeks later they're in a new position that pays $15,000 more annually.

I know that "life isn't fair", but Karma could cut J and I a break. Give us what we want without having to fight so fucking hard for it! Some can argue that having to work for it will make us appreciate it more - HOWEVER - we'll appreciate any good fortune that comes our way. I can say that because it's been a long time since we've caught a break. A very long time.

I think I reek of desperation.

So be it.


Nico said...

So no good news on the job front, I take it? How 'bout the bleeding - at least you've managed to get that under your belt! Are you tracking your temps at all?

I can totally sympathise with how you feel about all this, especially the pregnancy stuff, but do hang in there. Non-ovulation is one of the easier IF problems to treat, so at least in that sense it's a better diagnosis that 'unexplained'. It does always seem, though, that the universe likes to kick us while we're down!

K said...

Struggling is hard, especially when it seems like everyone has it easy. My thoughts are with you.