Friday, August 12, 2005


Thinking about my HA/pregnancy quest and wondering if I made a mistake by cancelling my 2nd opinion appt with an RE. It couldn't have hurt to go in. I'm desperately holding out hope that things will normalize - maybe I'm doing that too much. I try to be positive, but perhaps I just need a slap in the face to make me not be so stubborn and hopeful. I don't want to be blindly holding on to an idea that my body will fix itself when it isn't.
If the average LH phase is 14 days, then CB should be here today. No sign of anything yet and I'm still seeing some cm (not ew, just sticky). I thought things were supposed to be as dry as a desert after ewcm!

I hate this! I hate everything about this!

What's worse? Seeing losers abusing their kids, leaving them in dumpsters - why the fuck do those people get to have kids and others (who would treat them right), well, we don't get jack shit. If we do manage something, we have to struggle for it. What the fuck is that all about?!
Maybe I should become a crack addict, start writing bad checks, live in a shithole and practice my abusive beating habits on puppies.

Some have said "Just bite the bullet" (aka, everything happens/doesn't happen for a reason) which, sure, I can accept that. But I am NOT going to swallow the whole damn rifle!


Nico said...

The latest infertility cure - become a crack addict! I'd like to see a clinical trial on that one. ;-)

Were you charting your temp at all this cycle? That's probably the best non-invasive way to know if you're ovulating or not. Although the EWCM was a good sign.

Maybe you should make another second opinion appointment - kinda like taking an umbrella when you don't want it to rain - maybe that'll provide the karma for you to get your period. Or find out you're pg.

Em said...

Isometimes wonder if I became ignorant, started drinking again, went on benefirs and basically gave up all ambition, maybe I would start conceiving! I know how you feel. In the UK, stupid slappers who can't string a sentence together, let alone look after a child, are able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.