Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Surreal Reassurance

I was holding K the other day and I could feel his heartbeat. I'm sure I've felt it before and it doesn't take more than a little whine from him to reassure me that he's alive and kicking. LOL.

But this time, I conciously realized that I could feel his heart beating against my palm and it was incredible. Incredible and surreal. I wish I could describe it better. The only things that went through my mind were one or two word fragments:

holy shit!

I remember looking down at him playing with his alphabet links and just being awestruck. A year ago, K's heart was just beginning to be developed and now here it is beating away while he hurls a black and white "A" link across the floor. Even now, when I think about it, all I can do is stop typing, sit still and remember.

Nothing like having a child to make you appreciate something as simple (and yet so complex) as feeling a heart beat.

***This post led me to think about how much crap J, K and I have gone through over the past year. J and I have talked about our frustrations and keep reassuring each other.
J mentioned that when he lived in Denver he'd go to the top of Mount Evans and just look out over everything. He'd get a real appreciation for things and be able to put things in perspecive.
I realized that my "thing" to help put things in perspective is feeling K's heart beat. As I've been typing, I've calmed down and feel a bit more reassured (even if it is only a little bit).
Since there are absolutely no mountains in Nebraska, maybe this could be J's thing as well. Am I being cheesy? Perhaps. But I'll take whatever we can get to keep us from going bonkers.