Tuesday, September 12, 2006


I was reading a Weight Watchers message board and one of the posters asked if you loved your child since their birth more than your husband. I thought about that for a minute and have to admit that I don't love K more than J. That's not to say that I don't love him, but it's not a matter of who loves who more or less. It's a different kind of love.


When I look at J, I see someone who stuck by me when I had no direction in life. He was patient with me as I pulled myself up from rock bottom and harrassed helped me do something with my life. Other than just take up space, I managed to:
1. Get a good job and have managed to keep it for 3 1/2 years (and counting) and been promoted to working directly with the President/Vice President.
2. I've also completed my BA degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
3. I started Weight Watchers in October 2003 and by June 2004 I had lost almost 40 pounds and J supported me all the way.

I could go on and on about how much I love J for all the things that he's helped me through. Hell, I love him for just sticking around during a really rough patch I got myself into. There aren't a lot of people who would/did. Even my mother kept her distance. Without his harrassment him, I'd be living in some run down studio apartment working 50-60 hours at some telemarketing company and going nowhere fast.


My love for K is based on the fact that it took some time for him to be conceived and that feeling of "hopelessness" that we'd never have a child of our own, well, I'll never forget that. I love him simply for being born to us.
Now when I look at K, I see someone who is helpless to feed himself, cloth/bathe himself - generally someone who can't take care of himself at all. K needs direction on how to learn, examples of how to behave. He needs both J and I to be together and united.

The only way J and I can be united is to love each other more than anything else and take care of our relationship. That is the best way K can learn and grow up not needing too much therapy. LOL

Another poster wrote in reply:

My parents actually made it quite clear that we were second to their love/relationship - because without their foundation, the rest wouldn't work.

I couldn't agree more. I don't know that J and I will be blunt about our relationship being priority, but we'll let our child/children know that we have to take care of our Daddy/Mommy relationship so that we can also take care of them.


This really strikes home today because last night J and I were talking and J said 1/2 jokingly 1/2 seriously that he misses his "pre-baby wife, S". Mainly because I'm touchier/anxious, have less humor, tired more often. I have to admit that I miss the pre-baby me too. I miss my pre-baby size 8 body, wearing my hair down (instead of up to help avoid K's grab and tug), running, there are a lot of things. I really miss just being able to joke around with J and laugh really loud when he tickles my leg or tells a good joke.

I'm going to have to make more of an effort in my marriage to J. He knows I love him and I know he loves me - even though we're caught up trying to be good parents to K. This HAS to be done, for our sake as well as K's.