Wednesday, November 01, 2006

ISFJ Personality + Not Having The Answer(s) = Much Grumpiness

So K has another cold. Same stuff as he's had before, only with a twist. He has a runny nose/congestion, weeze (which we think could be coming from his stuffed up nose) and cough that can (on occassion) cause him to gag/spit up/vomit a little bit.

DR A gave us Rynatan to give him some relief however K's cough is worse than before.

I'm waiting to hear back from DR A or DR P, but so far nothing. I called B at daycare to check up on him and of course, K is miserable. He did go down for a nap, which I'm grateful for. I'm sure B is too.

So where is this post going? Well, let me tell you.

This post is about how I feel completely worthless as a parent. Nothing that we do to help make K feel even a little bit better is working. Every morning when I drop him off at B's, there are questions about what we're doing to get K over this, what medicine is he taking, etc, etc. I don't have the answers anymore. It's the same shit over and over. I don't know why he's getting these fucking colds and I don't know what to do to stop them or make them less of a pain in the ass.

I guess what would make it easier for me would be to know why he's getting these colds. Does he have asthma (like his parents), is he allergic to something (please not the cats), or what?! There's probably no answer for it since he's so young and still developing. I know that infants catch colds and that their system is still developing, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear K cough so hard it wakes him from sleep or causes him to gag and then spit up/vomit little bits of food/formula.

I DO NOT LIKE NOT having the answers. I DO NOT LIKE watching/hearing my son suffer and be miserable. I WANT SOME ACTION to be taken so that K can get better.

You know, I feel like he's being cheated or something. Like he was singled out to suffer through this shit.

I'm sure I'm over-reacting a bit. It's just really fucking hard to keep going through this. You'd think by now that after all of these colds (7 in 6 1/2 months) someone would start to question things.

Have I mentioned that I feel like a worthless/helpless parent? I don't see myself much better than those losers who duck tape their kids together or make them the designated driver.
Actually, I do know that I'm not that bad, but I still feel like K is being neglected. I just don't know what to do about it.

I tried talking to J about it, but he doesn't know what to say. Neither do I.

So that brings me here. There is nowhere else for me to go to vent and get all of the crap out of my head so that I can breathe.


DD said...

When he gets these colds, does he have an accompaning ear infection? Your doctor, if he's a pediatrician, should really say one way or another.

How many teeth does K have? As you know, these can make a cold appear to be worse.

Croup has been making an unfortunate come back in children. Something to think about. If you don't like the answer your Dr is giving you, get a second opinion.

Don't ever feel like your "settling" when it comes to your child's health.

Babies get sick. A lot. Do not beat yourself up about it. My son goes to daycare and when he was an infant, he was in a constant state of congestion. Take note of the other kids when you go there. I bet they are all the same.

You are not in any way to think of yourself as worthless. You are a mother. You are priceless.

Zany Mama said...

While my comments will typically be of the cynical or sarcastic - and hopefully funny - variety, I have to respond to this post by saying something supportive. Which I hate to start out with, but here it goes.

Babies get sick. All babies. Even those with really fabulous mamas. Somedays I think especially those with really fabulous mamas.

My son has multiple health issues which started when he was 10 weeks old, and he's been sick a lot since then. And it's been really, really hard, and it's super easy to fill like a crappy parent.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that a truly crappy parent wouldn't be worried at all. So maybe feelings of "I stink at this" are really an indication that you are a good parent.

Our doctor finally told me that it would get better when Zane was two. He just wouldn't be as susceptible to all the stuff floating around. And it seems to be true.

Hang in there!