Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Sometimes I Just Need

to feel that my opinion matters. That someone gives a shit about what advice I can offer or the experiences I've had.

This gets complicated.

Throughout Sister in law, C's (SIL-C) pregnancy not once did she ask for tips or what it REALLY felt like during the third trimester, etc.
As she passed her due date and was facing induction, still nothing. It's no secret that I was induced. I could've given pointers, etc. Could've offered suggestions on what to pack - anything.
Now that Baby U is here, I have a lot of ideas/suggestions that honest-to-god are helpful.

But here I sit, knowing that she won't ask.
There've been times when I've just offered unsolicted advice - I don't know why, to hear myself talk I guess.
I don't want to be one of those people who does that, though.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. Maybe it's because there's no one else I know who has a 9 month old (or even close to it). Maybe it's because I feel totally alone in this new world of parenting. Maybe it's a lot of things. Maybe I just need to feel like I have something to contribute, something to validate my experiences.

In the end, I just need to feel that I matter.

UPDATE:
Just found out that SIL-C doesn't want visitors during her recovery. Not even her or her husband's parents. WTF?! I can somewhat understand not wanting an influx of people, but to exclude the parents...?
J called and spoke to D (C's husband) earlier today and asked if it was alright if we came up this Sunday to visit and see Baby U. He got a weird "vibe" and a not-an-answer, like it's going to be 2 months before we get to see the baby. FFS!!! This is family, not some autumn carnival show!
In response to DD's comment, I gave her quite the bounty at her baby shower and I have an impressive bounty waiting for her now. C is hard to read - the perfect example being what I mentioned above about her not wanting any visitors at all.

3 comments:

DD said...

Have you already given her a new baby gift? If not, I would with the gift include a little note of "hey, I know you are probably really busy with the new baby, but I thought I'd share a helpful list of tips that have helped me get through the first few months of having a new baby..."

She may or may not acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to admit she feels overwhelmed, but you will have taken the high road.

Parenting is not easy. Being a parent, but still having people look at you as an adult is even harder.

DD said...

OK, now that's just *weird*. I'm feeling sorry for that poor kid already. It's not you, trust me. Run, don't walk away from this situation.

Mrs. Chicken said...

People get weird, don't they? I KNOW my SIL is going to be worse than this, even. She had a strict "no family" policy for her wedding party. Which meant my sister and I were totally excluded from my brother's wedding, but HER SIL was in the bridal party.

Whatever. I think you rock, and I value what you have to say. Keep on keepin' on.