Monday, July 10, 2006

Soggy Fishsticks and Warm Jello

I didn't want to start taking BCP's again. AF showed on her own last week and it was actually a nice sign because it meant my body was getting back to normal **on it's own**!
The main reason I started them is because we're in no hurry to have #2. We'd both like to have a chance to figure this parenting thing out before we even think about trying again.
In a way, I'm disappointed that there aren't other ways to avoid pregnancy while still letting my body act natually. I'm also worried about what will happen when/if we try for #2 - will I have as many problems as I did the first time?

Another Blah is that my mother really sucks. I'd like to have a decent relationship with her like most people have, but it isn't going to happen. When she's come over to visit K, she's made the following comments:
1. "If they don't treat you right, you just let grandma know. I'll take care of it."
2. (K is crying - like babies do now and then) "Did Mommy pinch you? Huh, did she pinch you and make you cry?"

I'm sitting here trying to figure out exactly how to express my attitude about her and her belittling comments.
Aggitated? Sure
Hurt? You Bet
Confused as all hell as to why MY OWN MOTHER would say these things? Oh Hell Yeah!
What takes the cake is that she's no saint! Fuck, I was raised in foster care for a while because she was in jail! How can she have the audaucity to say anything about my or J's parenting?! I could go on and on, but that's a lot of baggage I don't feel like thinking about. It's enough that I'm left with thinking about her at all.
Add insult to injury - she doesn't say one bad thing to/about J. It's always me. I'm the "bad" mommy. Not that I want J to receive any of her bullshit, but what the fuck does she have against me? I haven't done anything to her. If anything I've managed to stay out of her hair since I graduated high school so that she could live her life and not have to deal with me. Deal with me, that is how she's come across in regards to being my mom. I admit I'm not perfect and went through the teenage years hellbent on something, although I had no real direction/mind to figure out what that something was. That being said, I didn't cause her THAT much grief during those years. There are certainly more things that could've come up. In comparison to some, I was pretty tame. I think the worst thing I did was steal a CD from a store (of which I was caught and had to work through all of that).

I did decide that the next time she sees K, if she makes any comments that belittle me/J/K, I will promptly put my fingers over K's ears and make the "lalalalalala, we don't want to hear the mean things grandma is saying about Mommy." sound to drown her out. Hopefully that will get my point across. If not, then I'll have to be a bitch and call her out. She wants to make mean comments about me and question my parenting, well I'll just have to remind her what I went through growing up with her as my mom. It was never peaches and creme - no, more like soggy fishsticks and warm jello.


Emma B. said...

I'm planning on not taking BCPs again until we see whether the HA resolves itself after the pregnancy. I know it could take a while with the breastfeeding and all, so our plan is to use a diaphragm for the first year. It'll be back to BCPs if my cycle hasn't come back by then, but if it does, we'll stick with the diaphragm or an IUD.

Like you, I'm really not excited about the idea of going through IF treatment again, and I do feel that long-term BCP usage was at least a contributing factor to my HA. I'd like to know if my body is even capable of having a "natural" period, and I don't want anything to do with them until we get that figured out.

Nico said...

I've been thinking about using condoms and / or the sponge. No bcp for me until we are done having kids, for sure!! But a friend suggested considering and IUD, so I've been researching that, and it seems like a pretty good option. I'd probably stay away from the one containing hormones, but the copper one sounds pretty good. The nurse I was talking to yesterday told me that all the female doctors in the ob practice that I'm going to use it, which I think is a pretty good recommendation. Apparently both the insertion and removal just require a simple office visit, no surgery of any sort. I think it's definitely worth considering!