Monday, November 20, 2006


I'm not sure that I have it in me to re-hash all of yesterday's events. I have to though in order to get the monkey off my back and attempt to move on.

The buffett lunch was ok. I expected much more from a country club buffett, but oh well. It wasn't worth the money we paid, though. We've gotten better food at Bonanza!

Strike #1
As we all started to choose our seats, J, K and I chose to sit at one end so that we could have the highchair in between us and not be in the way of everyone else getting up to get their food, etc. What do the rest of the family do? They start filling in the seats at the opposite end of the table. The three of us were on our own little island until more family members came and filled in the rest of the chairs. Okay, whatever. We do not have the plague just because we have a baby. You can sit near us, you fucktards.

Strike #2
There are two other couples expecting their first babies next year. Aunt-in-law C in January, Aunt-in-law cousin D #1 in June. I could hear them sharing stories about their pregnancies, finding daycare, what their labor/delivery will be like, etc, etc, etc. They just didn’t know what they were going to do about any of it. Meanwhile, here I sit (apparently still on the island) thinking to myself “Been there, done that! I could offer some suggestions if they’d even acknowledge my presence.”

Strike #3
K gets tired during the lunch. He isn’t interested in eating, not even his bottle. After a little bit of twisting and turning and crying, he settles down and goes to sleep, head on my shoulder. I love moments like this with him – when he falls asleep like that. Of course during this time, I can over hear comments made/jokes said, the “awww…..” from the others which really means they’re happy it’s me that has to deal with it and not them.

Strike #4
The lack of a changing station.

Strike #5
It’s time to leave. Everyone has had their fill. Except me. I’ve barely gotten more than two bites of any of the food. One more reason why the price we paid for the buffet was NOT worth it. But I digress. Everyone gets up to leave. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. They leave me at the table with K in one arm while I struggle to put on my coat. Seriously. They all fucking left me. Even J! I’ll give one tiny kudo to Aunt C because she asked if I needed any help – however that was after she was ½ way out the door. And it still doesn’t make up for Strike #2.

Strike #6
We all end up at Aunt-in-law D #2’s house after the buffet. Aunt-in-law D #2 calls K by a girl’s name not once, not twice, not three times. Four fucking times! Her daughter, N, is telling her over and over what K’s name is.

Strike #7
J and some/most of the men go run errands at Menards. They’re fixing Great Grandma’s house door. Fine. So K and I are left to fend for ourselves. He plays for quite a while, getting fussy every once and a while. No biggy. I still get the infamous “awww…..” from the others (see Strike #3). After almost 2 hours, the men come back. K is still playing but getting tired. He gets a little more fussier and starts the “I’m tired” cry. Aunt-in-law cousin D #1’s husband, Dr. N, said very sarcastically that his baby will never cry. It was mocking in tone. Everyone in the room had a laugh and told him he better not count on that. Even still, I didn’t laugh it off.

The entire afternoon I felt secluded because I had a baby and no one else does. The two preggos could share their stories and have their connection, but not me. When I was pregnant, no one else was and I only had J to share my thoughts and worries with. Now that we have K, no one else has an infant his age. Again, no one else but J to talk to. When Aunt-in-law C and Aunt-in-law cousin D #1 have their babies, K will be a toddler. I’ll be dealing with stuff they won’t even be close to thinking about.

I feel alone sometimes when raising K. I don’t have another mother to talk to about things. J gets excited for K and the things he’s learning. Most of the time, J thinks I over-react. Hell, he even said so about the above Strikes. Maybe I am. Maybe it’s just because my feelings are hurt and I feel alone.

I sucked it up though and put on a good face the entire afternoon. I admit I had about 15 minutes where I just “spaced out” with K in my lap. The rest of the time, I watched K and participated in conversation whenever it related to me. It was nice though to have K because I could just play with him and give him most of my attention without the others thinking I was being anti-social.

Even with all of this, I am truly grateful to Mother-in-law V. She offered to hold K while I went to the salad bar at the buffet. She came into the bathroom when I was changing K and helped me, she sat with me at the house and played with K and just generally kept me company. She was the only one and for that I’m grateful. She is always trying to help without me having to ask or beg. I can only hope that when Aunt-in-law C’s baby gets here, she won’t be pulled in two directions. If so, we’ll get the short end because Aunt-in-law C lives in the same city as Mother-in-law V and will probably monopolize her. Aunt-in-law C can be like that. I’ve seen it.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.